What voice would you want your car to have?

When I first heard about the Mini Cooper Camden’s Mission Control feature, I thought it was the stupidest thing ever. Basically, what it is is a car that talks to you. Three voices give you pointless feedback depending on what you do in the car. When I heard that Mini supplies a SD card with all the 1300 phrases and you can change what voice you want, I then changed my mind. This thing is awesome.

Just as a demonstration, Automobile Magazine switched the default Camden voices with lines of K.I.T.T. from Nightrider. While that’s a good start, that’s all it is. There are a plethora of ridiculous and amazing choices for the voice of your car. Here are a few that come to my mind.

Disclamer: As much as the original Mission Control voices will be hard to explain on a date, these will probably send a girl running.

1. R2-D2

Really, this is the easiest to do. It will probably be the least annoying to endure as well. Sure, I’m not a huge Star Wars fan, but I see the fun in pretending you’re in a X-Wing while hooning down a twisty back road. Because they’re just inaudible beeps (and some screams), you wouldn’t need to replace all 1300. Simple, and I don’t need to explain it.

2. The crew from Star Fox 64

Use the boost to get through!

Sticking with space, we instead go to a more audible, and probably more amusing voice choice. Star Fox 64 was a great game when it came to cheesy one liners, and it’s very easy to imagine what combinations you could use. Start up the car, get a team report, stomp on the accelerator, “Use the boost to get through!”, or even better, “This baby can take temperatures of up to 9000 degrees!”. Hell, throw in a villain or two. Turn on sport mode? “Can’t let you do that, Star Fox.”

3. Samuel L. Jackson

Sure, he’d be more fitting as a Cadillac rather than a Mini, but if you want a car to spout countless hours of profanity, then he’s your man. Hell, I bet there’s a quote from Sam Jackson for every situation. And every single one will include yet another spurt of “motherfucker”. In honesty, I’d be surprised if you could keep this on the road.

Alright, I may be missing some obvious ones (HAL 9000 comes to mind) here, so instead, you tell me. What voice would you want in? Personally, I probably would have multiple SD cards made up with different voices. So, how about you?

~ by The Slurpee Man on May 21, 2010.