Public humiliation as crime punishment? It needs a comeback

There was once a simpler time, where farming was the most common job, when you didn’t have to worry about your horse going over the speed limit, and where corporal punishment was one of the biggest forms of entertainment. Sure, in the medieval ages, it was commonly capital punishment, and I’m not saying that we need to publicly hang and quarter criminals. Rather, petty crimes should take form of public humiliation.

At first, it sounds like a stupid idea. And it probably is, so bear with me. But I bet there are crimes where you can agree that jail time isn’t the greatest option (indecent exposure for example). Wouldn’t you agree that there are occasions where public humiliation could be a viable punishment? What am I thinking as a source of public humiliation? Paddling.

Checking the alt text, that's a paddlin'.

Paddlin' the school canoe? You'd better believe that's a paddlin'.

Yes, paddling. It is still used as a punishment in some southern schools. It got me thinking, why not apply it to small crimes? Imagine, at 5 pm, on your local TV station from a major plaza in your city. A man who is a repeat offender of public drunkenness is held in stocks. A police officer walks up with a large paddle. I think you can see where this is going. If you wish, add crowd participation. While the offender is contained in stocks, the crowd lets loose with tomatoes to the face.

There are other punishments that could work here. Tar and feather the offender. Or even make the offender dance and sing embarrassing songs to a crowd (assuming they can’t sing). The possibilities are endless.

Only in my perfect world, though.


~ by The Slurpee Man on April 21, 2010.

One Response to “Public humiliation as crime punishment? It needs a comeback”

  1. I… goddamn you, I actually agree.

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