Discipline. Kids need more of it

Before I get into the why and how, I’m going to bring up another case where a parent gets punished for punishing their kids. 45 days in jail for spanking each of his kids three times. While the six year old son had a bruise on his butt, one must wonder the extent of the bruise, or whether this jail time is necessary at all. I’m pretty sure they deserved the punishment, and I doubt a red ass is going to traumatize a child (well, a red ass from spankings, at least). If there was significant evidence (from an unbiased physician) that physical damage had actually been done, then yes, but nothing is told, and one must assume that the father got an unfair punishment.

I’ll say it; I was spanked as a kid. I’m sure a decent amount of people my age have been, and the older people get, the more frequent spankings get. But these days, it seems that the courts aren’t letting parents punish their kids. It’s gotten to such an extreme that kids have sued to get out of being grounded. Really, kids can get out of non-physical punishment?! Fifty years ago, that kid would have been beaten and not given dinner. That father? Well, nothing would have happened to him. He’d go on, without jail time.

T'was a simpler time

But it isn’t 50 years ago (sadly). Your kids’ threats about calling child services could possibly be true. And if they do get there, something will be done about you if you did hit them (even if it is a love tap). So unfortunately, physical punishment is out. You can stick with grounding a kid, but nobody takes that seriously (which I believe is the only reason the lawsuit went through). So, what should you do, without coming off as a total ass? Here are a few ideas:

1. Threaten to send them to Military School

This was a popular one with my father. What you basically do is once they get into a fit, tell them that they’ll be off to boarding school, or a military school. Military school works best, since even a child knows the army doesn’t take shit from anyone. If you want to make this one sink in more, leave pamphlets for both boarding and military schools in his room for him to find.

2. Threaten to have sex in his room

A lot of people will tell you that the worst thing you can catch your parents doing is having sex. Even more, a child will tell you that his or her room is their sanctuary. How better to keep them in their place than to threaten to completely violate the sanctity of their room?

The Child Righter

Put it behind a pane of glass, labeled "Break Glass in case of Disobediant Child"

3. Keep a large wooden spoon

Don’t use it, just keep it on display. They’ll know what’s what.

4. Serve mystery meals when they’re bad

This could be fun. You make up a recipe that is disgusting, yet safe to ingest, and then serve it to them. If they wonder why, confirm that it is, in fact, their fault.

5. Make them wear a leash in public

It’s legal, nobody will think you’re a bad parent, and you’ll embarrass the hell out of them. They’ll never want to cross your path again.

So now that you have my advice prospective parents, go on, and raise hard working members of society. If you think I’m extreme, and the status quo is fine, let me show you a link.

The travesty of all travesties.

Now tell me, do you want more of that? Then don’t punish your kids. This is proof that we aren’t punishing kids enough. So please, be a good parent and scare your children.

Aussie Booting Flag

If we instituted this as our flag, we'd eliminate that kind of crap

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~ by The Slurpee Man on February 3, 2010.

2 Responses to “Discipline. Kids need more of it”

  1. I too miss the old days of true punishment.

    Hell, my parents used to spank me, my mom with a wooden spoon spatula, my father with his belt.

    Which is why when I have kids, I’ll invest in small recording cameras and hide them in the main rooms. That way, if they do something wrong that I don’t allow such as cursing at me or wrecking something, I will have refutable proof that the punishment fit the crime.

  2. I got my ass kicked as a child. I fucked up, I got a belt. I knew not to do bad shit. I’m better for it.

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