Commercial break of awesome

Commercials usually are boring and just produced cheaply to get a simple point across. For most companies, it is enough; it gets their product out there. Some companies go above and beyond the average commercial, and make masterpieces that I would actually search for to watch. Not only that, but in the silliness and general awesome of the commercial, it still demonstrates the product (most of the time).

I’m sure everyone knows the kind of commercials I’m talking about. Some of them are really obvious. Some of them less so. Here are a few that I love.

The Man Your Man Could Smell Like

Let’s get the obvious choice out of the way. It is hard to argue the awesomeness of the commercial. It is a perfect melange of a random, yet entertaining series of events and a man who is not equal to anyone on this earth. Sure, this debuted at the Super Bowl, at which every single commercial is insane, yet unlike all those commercials, this one makes perfect sense. So much so that I have memorized this commercial. I think it’s made me a better man. Pretty much all the Old Spice commercials after this one apply as well, but this one is the most awesome.

Yellow Pages Mobile App Ads

I have no clue if these are running anywhere else but Canada, so I’m unsure if this is obvious to the rest of the world. Anyways, there are three of these advertisements, and each one is as funny as the last (this one being my favourite). They’re each random, one implies lesbianism and one edges on disturbing. Yet they grab your attention, make you laugh, and make sure you know that you can get shit quick with the app.

The news of my death has been greatly exaggerated.

Well, I doubt the 1 reader (yes, you Will) thought I was dead, but still. I’ve been on hiatus because I’ve been working all summer, but expect an article tomorrow afternoon.

Kinect is the start of a cool technology

You all probably know by now that I hate motion controls. I’ve probably said it somewhere here, along with my hate for 3D. So why do I think Kinect will lead to something awesome?

Yes, THIS.

That’s easy, actually. It will lead to further ease of access in home and business computing. Imagine walking into your office, speaking out “Open folder: Case 308″, having all the contents of the file on your screen, and being able to easily organize multiple documents to display on screen for comparisons, study, or even presentations and meetings. At home? Similar functions with music and video could come to fruition (which is already on display with Kinect).

Notice what I didn’t mention in that last paragraph? Yep, gaming. I’m in no way excited for the gaming aspect of Kinect. I think it’ll be too awkward, and although it’ll have function (such as RTSes being controlled à la Minority Report, which would be awesome), for the large percentage of games, I don’t think it’ll work.

Then again, there’s a reason Kinect isn’t a stand-alone platform (at least, as of my guess); it’s a tech demo. With Kinect, Microsoft can properly test the capabilities of their motion sensor system, and easily calibrate it to perfection (or as close as possible). What better way to do this than with gaming? It requires the camera to capture sensitive movements quickly. If it performs well in a gaming environment, it’s surely ready for the home computer world. And soon enough, Tom Cruise will be in a police station bringing up pictures of every suspect on a 70″ widescreen HDTV and organizing them by hand, as a probability program calculates who most probably committed the crime.

Yes, I want this in my home.

20 with chicken pox

So, how did chicken pox feel for you? Chances are you don’t remember the great feeling that is the disease of the chicken pox, you’re just relieved you had it before.

I wasn’t so lucky.

If you’re wondering where I was while I wasn’t updating, I had the chicken pox for the last week. For those who don’t remember it, let me clearly give my description. I begin by summing it up; it was the worst thing ever.

It started off by pulling me out of work with a large headache and stomach ache. Those symptoms continued, but then pox started appearing everywhere and the disease was confirmed. My head couldn’t rest in certain positions because the pox in my hair were painful to sleep on. Imagine getting punched in the head; that’s what sleeping on a pox felt like. As well, because of this, I developed a horrible muscle pain in my trapezius muscles. This, along with the itchiness, made it impossible to sleep. Not to forget that the rest of my muscles made me feel as tense as someone who just swam the English Channel. Last, but not least, were the pox on the bottom of my foot, making it a pain to walk flat footed and forcing me to walk on my toes or the sides of my foot.

The bright side? The pox had a horrible sense of direction, and thankfully, left my face unscathed for the most part. A mark on my cheek, a couple on my nose, but otherwise, my face is still sexy. My forearms are relatively clean as well. Yep, the pox, for the most part, stayed to the back and the chest, places where I can easily hide them (or, if it gets to the point where I am naked, won’t care to have them). As well, they really only lasted a week, and the harshest symptoms only stayed less than that. I only had two nights of sleep where I really had trouble.

So, how bad was it really? People say it’s worse when it’s older, but I actually can compare it to both my brothers, who had it within the same time frame. One caught it at 19, and had barely any effects, and the one who is 14 had it the worse. So for us, nope, it’s not worse for the older… until you consider we both lost about $800 combined in wages.

So I agree; it’s worse to have the pox when you’re older.

Another soiling of the GoldenEye name in video games

MGM Interactive should retire the GoldenEye name from video games, because as it stands, the name is becoming less and less of an icon. The 1997 release, GoldenEye 007, became an instant icon, and pushed console FPSes to a place they had never been before. Since then, there have been attempts to gain off the name.

First of all was GoldenEye: Rogue Agent. Similar to the first game only in name, it met lackluster reviews, and probably caused the angry cries of thousands of gamers saying, “What the hell is this? This isn’t GoldenEye!” On the other hand, at least it wasn’t trying to be, and gamers everywhere would only accept basically an update of the same game. And that was about to happen some time in 2008, but no deal could be done to get the game on both the Wii’s Virtual Console and the 360′s Xbox Live Arcade.

Fast forward to today, and Activision officially reveals their “remake” of GoldenEye on the Wii. Most people cheered; instead, I held my breath. With good reason apparently. According to Kotaku, there are many changes, even so much so as to axe the Brosnan Bond and put in the Craig Bond, as well as making it play similar to Call of Duty (see regenerative health and perks for splitscreen multiplayer). The video that was leaked yesterday (and probably replayed today officially) also helped to get to that conclusion, as it showed close-quarters insta-kills not related to slappers.

Alright, for legal reasons, we can’t expect the same game to come out. At this point, it seems like Microsoft and Nintendo won’t make friends. Rather than a cool refresh, this game will be a butcher knife to the original cartridge. A great thing about GoldenEye was how simple it was. It didn’t take much for someone to get into the game and have fun, the multiplayer didn’t give experienced players too large of an experience gap (and even added handicaps, both in options and characters [Oddjob, Jaws]), and if you were bored, you could turn on cheats and make scientists dance. This will probably be none of that. It’s not that the Call of Duty system is bad, but it’s bloated, and made for straight-line combat. Online will always play a certain way, and give advantages to certain combinations. In all, this isn’t the GoldenEye that we all knew, and this isn’t the GoldenEye that I want either.

Road Salt One review

I actually have an excuse for not updating in so long this time: my job. I’ve been working my ass off (and getting my tan on, love working outside, except the awkward v-neck farmer tan it entails [soon to come]) and been making money. That being said, don’t think I forgot about things here; I’ve got a decent feature that I’ll be writing (and hopefully finishing) in the next few days that you’ll probably love. In the meantime, enjoy this review of an album that’s somewhat obscure, but one that I was looking forward to this year.

Also, apparently you can like articles on WordPress now. Cool.

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Pain of Salvation has been somewhat of an enigma in their past few albums. Despite having a distinct style that gained a good fanbase, the two previous efforts, BE and Scarsick had somewhat separated the fans, one of which being myself. Some complained about a lack of the progressive elements in their previous efforts, as well as the pretentious and immature lyrics (respectively) of the two albums. I mentioned in a past post that their Linoleum EP was a good sign, and a possible change from, at least, the lyrical change that they underwent in the span of those two albums. Only one of the EP songs is on the first part of the two part Road Salt though, and it makes for a confusing album.

First of all, the positives. The most obvious improvement that stands out to me is the obvious jump in the quality of instrumentation. Many classic Pain of Salvation may feel that the tracks do sound listener-friendly, but the jump to a more gritty classic rock style does them well. “No Way” and “She Likes to Hide” are two good strong kicks in the chops that demonstrate this style well, and it comes back to play in more of the later songs. The emotion that I felt was missing in Scarsick (and somewhat in BE) is back in full force, and “Sisters” may just be one of the best tracks they’ve every done. Similar in style to “Undertow”, the lyrics tell the story of a man who desperately tries to hold back the urges to give up a love he once knew for a near-identical sister (that explanation doesn’t do it justice, seriously, if you haven’t heard the song, do it now). “Linoleum” follows suit, although more similar to “Reconcilation”, with similar emotions, as Daniel cries to the heavens in a way he does best.

As for the negative, the immaturity isn’t lost on the album. “Sleeping Under the Stars” hammers that point in lyrically, with painful lines such as “Wait darling, wait / You’re the shit as they say in… / they say that…wherever they say that…”. “Curiosity” follows suit, although not as strong. But the biggest song? Quite a few of the songs are just not memorable. Songs like “Of Dust” and “Road Salt” just don’t affect me, the concept that is hammered home in some of the more emotional songs seems to just fall down and lose some steam, and as hard as some of the past Pain of Salvation concept albums have been to follow, this one does so by irrelevance on occasion.

What voice would you want your car to have?

When I first heard about the Mini Cooper Camden’s Mission Control feature, I thought it was the stupidest thing ever. Basically, what it is is a car that talks to you. Three voices give you pointless feedback depending on what you do in the car. When I heard that Mini supplies a SD card with all the 1300 phrases and you can change what voice you want, I then changed my mind. This thing is awesome.

Just as a demonstration, Automobile Magazine switched the default Camden voices with lines of K.I.T.T. from Nightrider. While that’s a good start, that’s all it is. There are a plethora of ridiculous and amazing choices for the voice of your car. Here are a few that come to my mind.

Disclamer: As much as the original Mission Control voices will be hard to explain on a date, these will probably send a girl running.

1. R2-D2

Really, this is the easiest to do. It will probably be the least annoying to endure as well. Sure, I’m not a huge Star Wars fan, but I see the fun in pretending you’re in a X-Wing while hooning down a twisty back road. Because they’re just inaudible beeps (and some screams), you wouldn’t need to replace all 1300. Simple, and I don’t need to explain it.

2. The crew from Star Fox 64

Use the boost to get through!

Sticking with space, we instead go to a more audible, and probably more amusing voice choice. Star Fox 64 was a great game when it came to cheesy one liners, and it’s very easy to imagine what combinations you could use. Start up the car, get a team report, stomp on the accelerator, “Use the boost to get through!”, or even better, “This baby can take temperatures of up to 9000 degrees!”. Hell, throw in a villain or two. Turn on sport mode? “Can’t let you do that, Star Fox.”

My Ten Car Garage

If it isn’t painfully obvious by now, I love cars. So to limit it down to ten is really hard. If I could, I’d probably be like Jay Leno (who doesn’t have this problem), and hoard hundreds of cars in my house (which probably contains very little house). Anywho, let’s get to the cars, shall we?

1. McLaren F1

It’s a no-brainer, to be honest. It is the car that changed the game when it came to supercars, it put speed at a new level when it came to production cars. It looks like nothing else out there, and despite the design being 18 years old, it doesn’t look aged at all. It is a car that I’ll always consider one of the best ever, and it’s hard to see if anything else can surpass it.

Just because I don’t want to stop talking about it, let’s get to the speed of it. The fastest car in the world before it was the Jaguar XJ220 (another great car, not on the list though) at 217 mph. The F1 was limited to a top speed of 231 mph (by rev limiter), but in a top speed test without the rev limiter, the car reached a mind-blowing 240 mph in a 1998 speed test. Considering the car was in production since 1992, the car was the fastest in the world for 13 years, since the Koenigsegg CCR didn’t outspeed it until 2005. Furthermore, the CCR took 896 horsepower (270 more than the F1) to get 1 extra mph. The two cars faster than it, the Bugatti Veyron and the SSC Ultimate Aero have even more horsepower and only get an extra 10 mph. There’s definitely a lot more to it than I know, but the speed with an engine with less power than a Corvette ZR1 is very impressive.

Now that I’ve blown my load about the F1, let’s keep going…

2. Ferrari F40

It’s hard to stick to one single Ferrari. Models like the 250 GTO, the Enzo and the F430 make this very hard. But this car has the performance that two of those cars can’t touch, and more soul than the F430 and Enzo combined.  As well, the car’s limited electronics means that every slight move is your own (unlike many of the current Ferrari line-up), and to drive it well, you need to be good. Sure, it can be a bit intimidating, and I wouldn’t call myself a good driver when it comes to the track, but I doubt I could have as much fun in any other Ferrari as I would in this one. And don’t you just love those looks too?

The hockey brawl: beauty in brutality

I once went to a fight, and a hockey game broke out!
~ Rodney Dangerfield

Fighting is a controversial subject as far as hockey goes. Some love it, some find it unnecessary, yet it doesn’t take fans out of the seats, nor does it keep players from fighting. In fact, you have a 39% chance to see a fight in an NHL game. Yet there’s something rarer, something that only happens once in a blue moon, rearing its raging head as if all the planets have aligned: the hockey brawl. Usually caused by some form of injustice, it happens when all hell breaks lose, and everyone loses their shit. The ice is then draped in sticks, gloves, helmets and blood, as a beautiful gauntlet is made out of the 200 foot long rink. And here I reminisce on some of the greatest since 1980.

April 1984: La bataille du Vendredi saint (Good Friday Massacre)

It was a playoff game in the 1984 playoffs between les Nordiques de Quebec and les Canadiens de Montréal. The teams had a short history of hate, and it showed early in the game. Small fights and battles happened, until the second period, when the powder keg finally exploded. The benches cleared (with the exception of Dale Hunter, he’d come in later), and everyone stormed the ice and fought. In the flurry of fighting, Jean Hamel was knocked out by Louie Slegr and suffered career-ending injuries. They had called the second period, sent the players to the dressing rooms, and added the remaining time to the third. In the third, the players couldn’t contain their anger. The entire Canadiens team made a run for Slegr, and Dale Hunter would explode into a fury and hit everything that moved. Surprisingly, the game was not called, and les Canadiens eventually won 5-3.

NFL: Intelligence a minus?

The NFL draft was this weekend, and Myron Rolle was taken with the last pick in the 6th round. Usually, this wouldn’t be important, and I wouldn’t spend the time writing an article about him, except that the biggest knock on Myron Rolle wasn’t a large flaw in his play (not saying there aren’t flaws, but no fatal flaws), but rather that he took a year off to go study at Oxford University under the prestigious Rhodes Scholarship. Usually, I would consider the fact that he took a year off a bit of an issue, but the truth is that the NFL has had players that have taken years off of school for stupider reasons, and they were drafted much higher.

The two most recent players to have taken a year off were Maurice Clarett and Mike Williams. They were a part of a controversy in 2004 in which they wanted to enter the draft a year early. Neither of them were awarded the right to the NFL draft, and because of NCAA rules, they both were not able to participate in the 2004 NCAA Football season, and like Myron Rolle, neither of them were able to practice with their team. Both of them had horrible workouts (worse than Rolle) in the 2005 combine, and yet, they both got drafted higher than Rolle. Williams, in particular, was taken 10th overall, and Clarett was taken in the end of the 3rd round.

Neither of those players were the greatest characters either. Mike Williams has had no glaring character flaws as of yet, but has become one of the biggest busts in the past decade. Maurice Clarett, on the other hand, was arrested in 2006 when he was found with a loaded AK-47, a katana and an open bottle of vodka after a car chase with the police, and is currently in a halfway house.

Yet, in a draft where players rose greatly (Tebow, for example) for great character, and fell (Clausen, to name one) for questionable character, why does the NFL pass on a player who, in my opinion, could be an ambassador for the NFL because of his high intelligence and great character, just because he may have intellectual interests? Does the NFL not appreciate intelligence?

I’m not suggesting Rolle was a first round pick. I don’t believe he was a talented enough football player for that. I did think he was a third round grade myself, and was dumbfounded when he dropped that far. Teams may want character guys, but I question whether they really do care much about that if they pass on such a prospect.

If you want a bit of an interesting view into Myron Rolle’s life pre-draft, there is a great article on ESPN that will only strengthen your opinion on the young man.